I'm going to post about this here because I can. Because is my personal blog.

So, for the past few weeks, I've been having palpitations. Random, mild, and presumably anxiety based, because that's what Dr Tran, professional asshole, said last year. I ignored them, and went about my life.

The past few weeks, they're nigh constant, and strong - like something in my chest is trying to get out. They keep me from sleeping, and more worrying, I feel more breathless, more quickly when I'm running, and it doesn't seem to make it better like it used to.

So I went to see my doctor, the good one, who listens to me, on Monday. They do an EKG, same as last time, only this time, clear as day, are a bunch of extra heartbeats. I'm assuming they're PVCs, since that's basically what the EKG looked like, but no one's verified that with me. Doctor said that she wasn't too concerned - there was no worrisome groupings in the extrasystole, but I've never had a problem, never had an abnormal EKG, and I'm pretty fit. She thought it could possibly be thyroid, although my bloodwork from Jan was normal, and she wanted me to see a cardiologist.

So I saw my very laid back cardiologist today. They really didn't do anything much today, honestly - took my vitals (my pulse and BP were much higher on the left than the right, oddly...and both were VERY high for me...). He wants more tests, so I have to wait for approval on those next - an echo, a stress echo, and a transcranial doppler, since I'm a migraineur.

So I wait again, and ask for video of these tests, which I will post later.

Jamming...

So, since the ShadowSpouse is doing the deadline tango (go buy ELDRITCH!, I thought I'd spend yesterday making stuff. The stuff I made was Strawberry-Lime-Vanilla marmalade (it's a marmalade because there is citrus rind in it), and an Onion Apple Ale relish.

The process was not particularly difficult. For both the jam and the relish, you chopped the ingredients, and let them sit - in sugar for the berries, and in salt for the onions. In the case of the fruit, this made an amazing, rich, vanilla scented syrup, and it would've been delicious on it's own. For the onions, my house smelled a bit like a hot dog stand, and the onions released a lot of their water (osmosis - it works, bitches!).

Then there was cooking. And more cooking. It seemed to take forever for the jam to reach temp. I realized, as I was panicking, that what needed to happen was for the syrup to reduce enough to actually get higher than the boiling point of the water. Again, science works, bitches, so just let it be...no need to freak. The jars for the jam needed to be sterilized. I let them boil away happily for ten minutes in the pot I would later use to process. Being cheap and a punk, I made a rack out of tinfoil. Worked a treat, although next time I may invest in a cake rack and a jarlifter, to avoid the splashing. Then I filled hot jars with hot fruit, popped on warm lids, screwed on the bands, and popped them into the pot to process - 5 minutes from rolling boil. These instructions came from the USDA food safety folks, so I'm pretty convinced I won't get mold. I know I won't get botulism, because it doesn't like the acid in the fruit.

Relish was much the same. I think I chopped the apples a little large. Smaller next time. I sterilized the jars, just because, but I didn't need to because the processing time was over 10 minutes. All my jars sealed, and they look lovely on my counter. I have yet to taste the deliciousness, though...

I will totally can again. I enjoyed the process, I enjoyed the results, and I love the idea of being able to share what I've made with people. It's why I cook....

"A good day ain't got no rain"

There were all these words this morning. Important thoughts about resilience and dreams and how sometimes "#fuckPlanB" is about the dumbest idea ever, because just rolling can get you where you need to go. They're mostly gone now, though. Apparently, I'm only thought-full when I'm driving.

Now that I can type, I'm being all domestic and wanting to make jam. So I'll leave you with the quote that made me all speculative, from Paul Simon's "American Tune". It's one of the songs I listen to when I need to feel sad and happy at the same time.

"And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered
or driven to its knees
But it's all right, it's all right
We've lived so well so long"

It just resonates with me, deep in my guts. I've given up just about every "plan A" dream I've ever had - I've watched them shatter into dust. I've been broken on the floor more times then I can count, and my body and soul are covered in scars. I'm not going to say "Fuck Plan B" or "Fuck Plan A", but rather "Slide".

Also, this says it better than me.